Okay, time for Wednesday What-If's. Yeah, I know it's not Wednesday. BFD. I was trying to pull together an independent film production yesterday.

1. What if you had to write a magazine column on How To Lose A Guy/Girl In 10 Days -- what would you write?
Stick a M-80 up their car's tailpipe. If you're worried about legal troubles, just pie 'em in the face. Do something totally stupid that tells them that you're not the person for them.

2. What if you were offered the choice to risk your life by boarding a pirate ship in hopes of finding and obtaining part of the treasure?
I'd decline it. Me no likey riches. Me likey steady income and guarantee of food, shelter, & clothing.

3. What if you could pass a congressional bill of your choice?
I'd pass an act that once and for all settled copyright and song-trading on the net. I mean, seriously, people really need to have a guideline. But that guideline also should respect people's privacy and daily doings. Just because their info is being spread on the web doesn't mean it's any different than over the phone or through the mail. We need jurisdiction, darnit.

4. What if you discovered you were really a machine?
I'd freak people out by opening up my stomach and showing them stuff. Then I'd like do everything that a machine could do that a human couldn't. Like walking into a nuclear facility without a film badge! Hahahahahaha!

5. What if you were bequeathed with all of God's powers?
I'd either hand them back over or just try to set the large things straight. Free will takes over a heck of a lot of the rest.